Women in Relationships with Bisexual Men

Bi Men By Women

By (author) Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli

Publication date:

31 October 2017

Length of book:

522 pages

Publisher

Lexington Books

ISBN-13: 9781498530057

Framed by a comprehensive review of international research, literature, and film, this book is an intimate journey into the experiences and insights of 79 Australian women in relationships with bisexual men. It takes us into the daily lives, sexual intimacies, and families of MOREs (mixed-orientation relationships) that span the gamut from extremely oppressive experiences with bi-misogynist men to extremely liberating with bi-profeminist men. Aged 19 to 65, the women are in monogamous, open, and polyamorous relationships with bisexual-identifying and/or bisexual-behaving men. The women themselves are bisexual, lesbian, heterosexual, while others refuse to categorize their own sexualities. The book addresses the discovery or disclosure of the man's bisexuality, how the relationships work and where they flounder, how the partners negotiate and establish 'new rules' and boundaries to maintain their relationship, and the impact of class, rural/urban setting, ethnicity, indigeneity, race, religion, and education on these relationships.

But this book isn’t only about MOREs. The research, revelations and reflections in this book tell us much about current and shifting global constructions and understandings of intimate relationships, sexual desires and love, and the socio-cultural representations and labeling of genders and sexualities.

Part One: Introduction
Chapter One: “Outside Belonging”: An Introduction to the Women, their Men, and the Research
Chapter Two: “Border Women and Their Border Men”: Some Theories, Definitions, and Debates Framing the Research
Chapter Three: “You know, the old Kinsey scale”: Women Talk about their Partners’ Bisexualities
Chapter Four: “I Have A Sexuality Too”: Women Discussing their Own Sexualities

Part Two: The Journeys
Chapter Five: “Starting Out Knowing”: Negotiating the Beginning of the Relationship
Chapter Six: “Changing Course Midstream”: From Closet to Confrontation
Chapter Seven: “We’ve Arrived Where We Started and Know the Place for the First Time”: Women Reflecting on ‘Staying the Course’ or ‘Splitting Up’

Part Three: Mapping the Landscape
Chapter Eight: “New Rules, No Rules, Old Rules or Our Rules”: Women Designing MOREs with their Partners
Chapter Nine: “The Problem Is That He’s A Man, Not That He’s Bisexual”: Women Discussing Masculinity, Misogyny, Privilege, and Power
Chapter Ten: “What Do We Tell The Kids?”: Women Talk about Bisexual Fathers
Chapter Eleven: “Spreading Disease With the Greatest of Ease”: Negotiating Sexual Health Issues

Part Four: Borderdwelling as Outsiders Belonging
Chapter Twelve: “Minute by Minute Maneuvering”: Navigating the Heteroworld
Chapter Thirteen: “Ewww, girl germs”: Women’s Experiences and Perceptions of Homonormativity
Chapter 14: “The Priest Told Him to Marry Me and He’d Go Straight”: Bordering Religion and Spirituality in MOREs
Chapter Fifteen: “It’s A Matter of Family Honor and Shame”: Negotiating Ethnic Identity and Community Codes
Chapter Sixteen: “When Your Relationship Isn’t Recognized by Relationship Services”: Misrepresentations and Erasures in Health Services

Part Five: Not Just Belonging but Blooming in the Borderlands
Chapter Seventeen: “A door that hasn’t been opened”: Women’s Final Words for Future Women

Pallotta-Chiarolli identifies a number of reasons that prompted her to undertake the research for this book: she was interested in understanding how relationships between women of various sexualities and bisexual men succeed or fail; how relations with other individuals and groups are negotiated; and what it is like to be a woman in a relationship with a bisexual man. From a broader perspective, she also wanted insight into what such dyads reveal about intimate relationships in the early part of the 21st century. The author's numerous goals have resulted in a thorough and, at times, thoroughly daunting book of over 500 pages (including references) that might be aptly titled 'Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about Women in Relationships with Bisexual Men.' The information presented comes from a variety of theoretical paradigms as well as from the author's and other experts' research. The 'narratives, vignettes, and voices' provided by the snowball sample of 78 female respondents provide deep insight into their relationships. For many, the opportunity to speak openly about their non-traditional relationships was cathartic. For readers, the informants' candor is one of the book's main strengths. Summing Up: Highly recommended. Upper-division undergraduates and above.