Not available to order
Publication date:
01 June 1998Length of book:
168 pagesPublisher
Jason Aronson, Inc.ISBN-13: 9780765701275
Reminding women that motherhood is an option, not a given (much less an instinct), New York psychotherapist Phyllis Ziman Tobin contends that choosing to be or not to be a mother is the defining rite of passage for today's woman. She draws on the composite struggles of real people to show how the dilemma is rooted in unexamined assumptions about normalcy, fear of change and loss of control, and the not always audible voices of our own mothers. Dr. Tobin challenges mental health professionals to recognize that coming to terms with the motherhood question is an act of maturation proper to every woman, an opportunity for self-creation. She herself recognizes that, for women who find themselves infertile or uncoupled or unconventionally situated, the question is compounded and painfully revisited as reproductive technology fails, adoption is considered, time passes. Whichever option a woman ultimately selects, she loses something, Dr. Tobin acknowledges - yet she gains by weighing the fear of now against the fear of never and being the agent instead of the victim of her regrets.
This is a book about making choices, and it is in making our life choices that we create ourselves. No choice in life is any more significant than the decision to parent or not to parent, and Motherhood Optional shows us that in making that decision a woman gives birth to her very self. The book will help all women, as well as the men in their lives, to better understand the struggles and conflicts, the longings and dreads, that go into the decision. Whether she be a young married woman who does not want to be like her own mother, an older woman considering single parenthood, or a lesbian in a committed relationship, Dr. Tobin's sensitive, affirmative, nonjudgmental approach will guide her through the wide range of issues that play a role in her decision to become a mother or remain child-free.