Publication date:
16 July 2011Length of book:
264 pagesPublisher
Ivan R. DeeISBN-13: 9781566637770
The proliferation of dating websites, printed personals and self-help relationship books reflect the new ways Americans seek close, personal relationships. Exposed to changing and often conflicting values, trends, and fashions—disseminated by popular culture, advertising and assorted "experts"—Americans face uncertainties about the best ways to meet important emotional and social needs. How do we establish lasting and intimate personal relationships including marriage?
In Extravagant Expectations Paul Hollander investigates how Americans today pursue romantic relationships, with special reference to the advantages and drawbacks of Internet dating compared to connections made in school, college, and the workplace. By analyzing printed personals, dating websites, and advice offered by pop psychology books, he examines the qualities that people seek in a partner and also assesses the influence of the remaining conventional ideas of romantic love. Hollander suggests that notions of romantic love have changed due to conflicting values and expectations and the impact of pragmatic considerations. Individualism, high expectations, social and geographic mobility, changing sex roles, and the American national character all play a part in this fascinating and finally sobering exploration of men and women to find love and meaning in life.
In Extravagant Expectations Paul Hollander investigates how Americans today pursue romantic relationships, with special reference to the advantages and drawbacks of Internet dating compared to connections made in school, college, and the workplace. By analyzing printed personals, dating websites, and advice offered by pop psychology books, he examines the qualities that people seek in a partner and also assesses the influence of the remaining conventional ideas of romantic love. Hollander suggests that notions of romantic love have changed due to conflicting values and expectations and the impact of pragmatic considerations. Individualism, high expectations, social and geographic mobility, changing sex roles, and the American national character all play a part in this fascinating and finally sobering exploration of men and women to find love and meaning in life.
Extravagant Expectations is a provocative book. Paul Hollander gauges the current state of romance, individualism, pragmatism, and relationship formation in today's society while giving us some historical and cultural perspective based on the novels and studies of the American and European dating and mating scene over the last several hundred years. His thesis is that Americans want so many things out of love, (and so many contradictory things) that love and romance are muddled—and perhaps unattainable at the level of pickiness and idealization—demonstrated in personal columns, on line, and in the popular literature. There is much to chew on here: and Dr.Hollander's intriguing insights will no doubt cause debate as well as insight. He advises us that our reach may extend further than our grasp, and that our choices may be more limited than we want to acknowledge by our own characteristics, the contingencies of life, and the life cycle. Whether you agree with him or not, you will want to read this book.